What am I doing? 

"What am I doing?"
This is a question I find myself asking a lot in gaming.

I want to start by putting out there my 'status' as a gamer: Shit. Kind of. I have been thinking for a while about how people have become so engrossed in online video games that they invest so much time to perfect every little block, headshot and combo that results in my avatar's demise. 

I came to the conclusion whilst playing 'Battlefield 3' that I am 'The Almost Gamer.' I'm the guy on your team who accidentally hits the 'Spawn at Attacker Deployment' button and ends up walking the Caspian Border until I finally scrap together a couple of kills. Lather, rinse, repeat. I'm the guy who almost gets the job done. I'll be capturing Beta and almost succeed before I get knifed because I didn't look at my map. 

I hear you yelling the familiar sounds of "NOOB!" in my ear. Well, maybe for Battlefield. But I find that there are some games that I can play well, and others I just keep hitting the respawn button until the round ends. More often than not, I find it is the former. I therefore come back to my first comment, "What am I doing?" If I keep on dying, if I continue to get beaten, why do I keep coming back for more? To put it simply, it's just too bloody fun. 

From the very day that my dad brought home our very own Playstation 2, I have been besotted by video games. The earliest game I remember playing was actually on my dad's old Atari: River Raid. Whilst flying up a river and shoot bridges and boats with a VERY small, pixelated jet, it wasn't until I was given Medal of Honour: Frontline on the Playstation 2 that I really started to love games. I never finished it. And yet, I found that every time I switched on a new game, the Saving Private Ryan clone that was its first mission got me giddy with excitement. I have come to realise that however shit I am at a particular game, I am sure as hell going to enjoy it. 

After a number of years begging my parents to buy me various Playstation 2 games (more than likely being turned down at every whiny request) I was introduced to the current generation at a mate's place. Gears of War was my first taste of the Xbox 360 and it came in the form of a blood-soaked romp that had me craving that watermelony pop of a headshot. My friend then turned to me and said: "hold down B when you are next to this guy." Well...the shear hilarity of watching my character slice through an enemy with a chainsaw mounted on an assault rifle was enough for me to make the switch to Xbox. 

This time, however, I payed for it. I saved up all of my squids, sold my beloved Playstation 2 and moved into the new age. This process has made me very defensive of my console and my gaming habits. My folks have never understood my love of the electronic cinder block that sits upstairs. For instance, my dad will learn that I am playing xbox upstairs and proceed to make 'shooting' sounds and proclaim: "He is going pew, boom, pew and not doing his study." My stubborn defence for going - 'pew, boom, pew' - is that while my folks sit and watch a program that will never change however many times they watch it, I am playing an immersive program that can be played in an infinite number of ways. 

What am I doing then? I'm having a blast. Whether jumping from rooftops with a hidden blade feeling like a badass, or crying that I almost shot him in the knee, I'll still be playing the games that give me a sense of escapism.


Given this is my first post I want to outline 'what I am doing here', pun intended. As said, I'm not a great gamer, but I love gaming. Be it reviewing games or just talking about the industry in general I hope whoever reads this will be amused or even happy to have found an 'Almost' gamer like themselves.